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You should take it to a real car wash, too ;)

Well, as far as I'm aware the initial marketing for those products didn't make it seem like you had a perfect glass of beer at the press of a button. This has been an issue with this system from the beginning, it was marketed as a beer brewing machine, not a wort producing machine. From this...

Surprised your HOA would allow solar panels...considering how uptight they were about the cooler.

The majority of the US requires greater than 207° to boil. It is accurate to say that it doesn't boil the wort. Everything else you've said is accurate, since DMS boils off below 100°, and isomerization begins around 170°...it's okay to note that it doesn't actually boil the wort.

No water added to the can, the water is added to the slow cooker, then you put the open can in the water...like this: I believe I had it in the slow cooker for about an hour on "High"...though it may be dependent on your specific slow cooker.

If you are using Hop extract enough, check this out: http://www.yakimavalleyhops.com/CO2HOPExtractCan_p/extractco2cans.htm One can will net about 15 syringes of 10ml. Not sure about the NB hop extract, but this stuff is 10ibu/ml. So each syringe is 100ibu. I add the can to a slow cooker with...

Surprised no one has posted this yet, C-Net Picobrew review.

There is C02 in suspension, after primary and secondary. It's why you have to de-gas wine prior to bottling. So, that could have been a factor. As to the starter, it depends on your procedure. If you pitched an older vial of yeast, and the starter hadn't propagated enough yeast, you would have...

I can't really answer why your beer stalled out around 1.020...without knowing your recipe or procedure. Did you brew the extract recipe as-is? Just a reminder though, when taking a gravity reading you need to make sure to de-gas your sample...because the carbonation can affect the reading...

A couple things. It's difficult to determine if it's high, without knowing your OG. Also, what are you using to take your FG measurement?

This may be the best I've found: http://www.vermonttradewinds.com/product/MSJ-HG They seem to have changed the grade scale. Anyway, if you get 2 half-gallon jugs it seems they offer free shipping. So, I'd get the "Very Dark," which seems to be what used to be labeled Grade B. It's...

I have only ever used maple syrup in priming experiments, even though I did use the Kirkland once because it was hella cheap comparatively. So, I don't think I'm the best judge for the beer you're trying to produce. That said, everything I've read says to use Grade B, and if I were going to put...

The Kirkland is Grade A.

Here's another way of looking at your addition. The interwebs tells me that maple syrup is about 65-70% ferment-able. This would mean you have about 35% of the maple syrup left over after the yeasties do their thing. So, here's an experiment...which is not perfect, but you have to start...

While it's true that it won't completely ferment out...it will ferment out enough with a priming addition that it will not actually be perceptible, adding a lb or more to the boil is a different matter. As I said, my personal experience with maple syrup has been that it won't add anything to...

Priming with maple syrup won't add any perceptible maple flavor...it's simply not enough to impart anything when it will completely ferment out. Now, I can't speak to the bourbon aspect of it, but it would be easier to just add bourbon at bottling...or secondary. The other issue with maple...

An all-grain recipe would really need some crystal to be similar to the extract version. That said, the beer you have designed it so much bigger than the original that it's hard to gauge how to make it similar. You are in RIS territory with your recipe, where the original is more Irish Extra Stout.

That's probably not enough time to be detrimental, but I'd still advocate not boiling. Not saying you shouldn't, just that I personally wouldn't. However, I never add cocoa nibs or bean directly to the wort/beer, I always make a tincture/extract ahead of time.

I'd use C80, but don't overdo it. C60 would work too, but C80 will add a bit more complexity.

If you're looking at an OG of 1.054, and using Irish Ale, I'd mash at 154, at the lowest. I'd also point out that the recipe won't be close to the extract version without some crystal malt.