Top 10 Signs You are a Serious Homebrewer

10) You look at your massively infected wort and think “why can’t it be me? please take me instead”.

9) You think that Charlie Papazian kinda resembles Jesus/Moses a little more each time you look at his book.

8) Grocery lists consists of “fermentables” and “others”.

7) You view everyday workplace objects (recycle bins, garbage cans, water coolers, photocopier toner cartridges,) in terms gallons, pints and quarts.

6) Forgotten weddings, birthdays, & anniversaries are real bummers only for the fact that they now interfere with your brew-day plans.

5) You look down on people who drink Bud/Molson/Coors/Miller but are really thankful you aren’t a snob like “those pretentious wine lover pansies”

4) You include your kids: Vienna, Cascade and Crystal on brew-day.

3) You judge a potential spouse/girlfriend in terms of Original Gravity and Final Gravity.

2) Posting siphoning methods on the internet for other fellas to read does not make you feel uncomfortable.

and..............



1) Spending two weekends, $300.00 and several trips to the hardware store by making a gadget to save 5 minutes of time when brewing makes perfect sense to you…and you also compelled to explain that to the spouse.

very nice

Okay this will be slightly of topic.
Brewer is a chemist
Vinter is a pretensious ass that likes to take credit for an accident
distiller is the scavanger
I thought it went along w/ this thread maybe not.

This is the BEST list ever...

http://www.tastybrew.com/humor/

ROFL!!!

"If you do a protein rest when cooking spaghetti."

My fave: "If you pour your coffee carefully to avoid hot-side aeration"

Axegod said:

3) You judge a potential spouse/girlfriend in terms of Original Gravity and Final Gravity.

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love this one!

"If you scan the Belgian Ales at checkout yourself so the clerk won't disturb the yeast sediment."

I bet Agassi likes this one.

How about:

• If you've ever argued with your wife because of The Smell.
• When your non-brewing friends start to drink wine because they're bored with you explaining beer to them.
• You spend more time in the kitchen aisle of Target than anywhere else, in hopes of finding the perfect strainer.
• If you'd need a recylcing bin larger than your living room to get rid of all your brown bottles.
• If you casually drop the verb "lager" in sentences.
• If you've ever cleared the room of even yourself and the dog because you couldn't wait three weeks to try your new brew.
• If you order a malted shake and suddenly want to start brewing.
• If you use Sweet & Low in your coffee and 9 pounds of sugar in your wort.
• You have a beverage selection that would be the envy of the local rennaisance fair.
• Finally, you might be a redneck - er, I mean a brewer - if you can translate this: go to the LHBS, get some DME and LME, a new primary, some tet, a pound of 20L and some hulls.

Cheesefood said:

[*]If you've ever argued with your wife because of The Smell.

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That sounds SO nasty....

"If you live in a small one bedroom apartment, and you have two refridgerators."



looking into buying a second fridge and i have 4 fermenters in a SMALL downtown indianapolis apartment... does that count?

If the presence of a basement was a major factor in the selection of your new home.

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My wife thinks it's for the storage

indyhooligan said:

"If you live in a small one bedroom apartment, and you have two refridgerators."



looking into buying a second fridge and i have 4 fermenters in a SMALL downtown indianapolis apartment... does that count?

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i did this, i'm living in a small 2 bedroom apartment and have a second fridge (huge one at that) standing in my living room.

If you have more fridges than TVs.

I do.

If you get pissed when incidental costs ( mortgage, kids needing shoes, etc.) interfere with your brewing budget.

sudsmonkey said:

If you get pissed when incidental costs ( mortgage, kids needing shoes, etc.) interfere with your brewing budget.

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Amen.



Ize

i'm going to put a hop pellet in some natty boh' this weekend.

Let's keep adding..

Top reasons you know you're a hardcore homebrewer:

1) "Meet my daughters, Papazian and Palmer!"
2) When someone taps you on the shoulder, you ask what PSI they're using. :cross:
3) When a buddy mentions he's going to a keg party this weekend, you reply incredulously, "There's only going to be one!?!?"
4) Your Ipod is loaded with homebrewing podcasts.
5) You own five lobster pots but have never eaten lobster at home.
6) You can tell the age of your stove by layers of dried boilover stains.
7) Your wife is very relieved to discover that you were dry HOPPING your secondary carboy.

AND

8) www.homebrewtalk.com is number one in your bookmarks, favorites, and was blocked by your 1000+ employee company's internet just because of YOU!

-Upon the birth of your child you lecture your wife (or husband) about proper bottle sanitation; you buy extra star san to use on baby bottles.

you have more than once considered turning a piece of furniture into a kegerator.

You use the bottle brushes intended for your baby's bottles to clean crusted yeast and mold out of yours.

You own lactose.

You now refer to taking a shower as "sparging". When someone calls for your wife and she's in the tub, you explain that she's "mashing".

You no longer get impatient when waiting for a beer at the bar, considering you waited 6 weeks for one at home.

You've had to purchase new pants twice to accomodate for your "Brewers Physique"

You make a stupid "concentration face" after each sip of purchased beer and then proceed to try to determine the recipe.

Your old stuff has new names:

Large Canning Pot = Brewpot
Colander = wort strainer
Jelly bags = grain bags
Turkey baster = wine thief
igloo cooler = fermentation chamber
chest freezer =lagerator
compost pile = spent grain disposal area
husband = "live yeast sample" testing technician
no money left = new brewing stuff!
me= "brewmistress"

Lorena

Towards the end of a hot and heavy lovemaking session with your wife you tell her you're not going to pitch your yeast until you're sure she's at the proper temperature.

After brushing your teeth you gargle with Star San.

Cheesefood said:

You now refer to taking a shower as "sparging". When someone calls for your wife and she's in the tub, you explain that she's "mashing".

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ROTFLMFAO

Axegod said:

8) Grocery lists consists of “fermentables” and “others”.

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That reminds me, I have to go to the grocery store and pick up some rye flakes! Almost forgot.

One of those should be: You have no girlfriend cause they take time away from brewing.

Orpheus said:

Towards the end of a hot and heavy lovemaking session with your wife you tell her you're not going to pitch your yeast until you're sure she's at the proper temperature.

After brushing your teeth you gargle with Star San.

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Orpheus, I don't know how you do it, but I don't think you're supposed to be putting yeast in that particular recreational area

In the span of a year you go from looking like this:




To looking like this:

lorenae said:

Your old stuff has new names:

Large Canning Pot = Brewpot
Colander = wort strainer
Jelly bags = grain bags
Turkey baster = wine thief
igloo cooler = fermentation chamber
chest freezer =lagerator
compost pile = spent grain disposal area
husband = "live yeast sample" testing technician
no money left = new brewing stuff!
me= "brewmistress"

Lorena

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I have 2 questions.
1. What exactly is a brewmistress?
2. Where can I get one...

9) You think that Charlie Papazian kinda resembles Jesus/Moses a little more each time you look at his book.

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You keep reading that damn book because ole Chuck's got so much wisdom...while Women Are from Mars and The Commitment Chronicles collect dust on the night stand.

7) You view everyday workplace objects (recycle bins, garbage cans, water coolers, photocopier toner cartridges,) in terms gallons, pints and quarts.

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You view EVERYTHING (recycle bins, garbage cans, water coolers, colanders, dorm fridges, old cooktops, barrels, alternators, welding equipment, Tupperware...) as coveted pieces and parts to your next homebrewing gadget.

You view EVERYTHING (recycle bins, garbage cans, water coolers, colanders, dorm fridges, old cooktops, barrels, alternators, welding equipment, Tupperware...) as coveted pieces and parts to your next homebrewing gadget.

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You can actually envision how welding equipment and Tupperware might somehow be connected to form an auto-oxygenating wort chiller.

auto-oxygenating wort chiller

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The above words mean something to you.

1) Spending two weekends, $300.00 and several trips to the hardware store by making a gadget to save 5 minutes of time when brewing makes perfect sense to you…and you also compelled to explain that to the spouse.

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And your spouse pretends to listen intently...while dusting off copies of Women Are from Mars and The Commitment Chronicles.

When you suddenly wake up one day and realize you (realistically) operate a microbrewery.

1.you spend thousands sheetrocking,wireing,plumbing, and running natural gas, in the garage in the house you just bought, just for brewing
2. you rightfully call it a brewery not a garage
3. get uptight when it gets dusty.
4. spend more time in the brewery during parties than anywhere else on the property
5. there is always a keg on tap at your house
6. anytime your cleaning anything in the front yard your neighbors ask if its a brew day
7. your known in the three sourounding counties as the brew master.
8. you schedual brewdays as seriously as vacation
9. everyone at work thinks if your not there your brewing
10. all your neighbors plan there "POOL PARTIES" around when "YOU" have a killer beer to serve... and your the only one with a pool!!!!
JJ

O I forgot to add
11. your up at 11:00 $#!& faced on HOMEBREWTALK.COM
JJ

No one is allowed to use the guest bathroom because it's been converted to your "brew closet." ...and your wife actually allows this!

When ever you renew your insurance policies and have to think about life changing events (death, kids to college, divorce, etc.) you also think about the 100 gallons per adult household member rule.

You spend $9.99 on a ratchet set just to get your keg posts on and off.

You spend another $9.99 on a star ratchet set just to get one of the keg posts on and off.

Your kegger is bigger than the fridge in the kitchen. And fuller.
The aging cabinet is bigger than the freezer. And fuller.
You plan business meetings based on when the LHBS is open.

You are eating breakfast during the sugar rest and question if you have a drinking problem,( every brewer knows porter goes well with eggs over-easy) and your brewing partner says," Problem? We don't have a problem", we still have beer".

You wonder if 30 gallons of porter and 30 gallons of IPA and 6 gallons of Cyser is enough for your wedding.

Your neighbors refer to your house as the one with the still out back.

You don't lift a finger when it comes to housecleaning, handling kids, etc., but you always make sure your brew gear is sterile and sparkling.
The only glass you'll clean must hold at least 5 gallons and be carboy shaped. OK, at least hold 16oz. and be pint glass shaped.

Only time I tell SWMBO "Can't, I'm brewin!"

...You know the volume of every container in your house to the nearest tenth of an ounce/mL.