Best News Headlines

[catdaddy66]

https://gizmodo.com/a-mans-worm-infection-left-him-with-a-stony-hard-testic-1841004497

 

[catdaddy66]

If passed, this will give me new faith in our justice system!

https://news.google.com/articles/CA...CAowl6p7MN-zCTCtvxU?hl=en-US&gl=US&ceid=US:en

 

[catdaddy66]

https://www.complex.com/sports/2020...mes-in-preparation-for-deontay-wilder-rematch

My first reaction... That's excessive.

My second... How does that help with boxing?

 

[balrog]

https://www.complex.com/sports/2020...mes-in-preparation-for-deontay-wilder-rematch

My first reaction... That's excessive.

My second... How does that help with boxing?

Maybe he should make some beer...

 

[day_trippr]

Several pithy phrases inspired...

https://katu.com/news/offbeat/trucker-loses-trailer-of-38000-pounds-of-marbles-on-i-465

 

[catdaddy66]

https://news.google.com/articles/CB...bXAvbmNuYTExMjQ2NzY?hl=en-US&gl=US&ceid=US:en

Stupid, yet ballsy...

 

[Dave Sarber]

https://news.google.com/articles/CBMia2h0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm5iY25ld3MuY29tL25ld3MvdXMtbmV3cy90ZW5uZXNzZWUtbWFuLWxpZ2h0cy1qb2ludC1jb3VydC1wbGVhZC1tYXJpanVhbmEtbGVnYWxpemF0aW9uLW4xMTI0Njc20gEsaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubmJjbmV3cy5jb20vbmV3cy9hbXAvbmNuYTExMjQ2NzY?hl=en-US&gl=US&ceid=US:en

Stupid, yet ballsy...

Nope, just stupid.

 

[sweetcell]

Nope, just stupid.

agreed. not only did his actions not further the cause of legalization, it only reinforced the images of pro-marijuana folks as being irresponsible, unthinking stoners. thanks, idiot.

 

[madscientist451]

Apparently People Think the Corona Virus Is Related to Corona Beer

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/apparently-people-think-corona-virus-233720149.html

Yup, people are dumb....

 

[Pkrd]

Apparently People Think the Corona Virus Is Related to Corona Beer

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/apparently-people-think-corona-virus-233720149.html

Yup, people are dumb....

It could be worse

 

[HoppyDaze]

How?

 

[day_trippr]

I love it that you were the one to post this.

Anyway...teasing a story only goes so far. This one's a beaut and needs to be shared!

But 50 effin' grams? I guess he kept waiting for the rush that had already come and gone...

Cheers! (yes, that was a pun )

 

[day_trippr]

Kudos for the effort - I know exactly zero persons of the feminine persuasion that would even attempt to change a tire.
But...maybe call AAA next time?

https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/03/us/woman-calls-911-toes-hands-crushed-trnd/index.html

 

[sweetcell]

Florida troopers find narcotics in bag labeled ‘Bag Full of Drugs’

dammit, florida.

 

[day_trippr]

The Florida State Motto should be "Y'all Cain't Top This!"

 

[Hophunter]

View attachment 665123

The headlines below that story are gems as well. Yes, I’m ashamed to admit I read it and am thoroughly disgusted by humans.

 

[balrog]

The Florida State Motto should be "Y'all Cain't Top This!"

Having grown up (physically) in the South, I can assure you that as "Y'all" is the singular, they'd much more likely use the plural instead, "All Y'all".

 

[HoppyDaze]

or “all y’alls”

 

[balrog]

or “all y’alls”

That might be the future plu-perfect possessive case.

 

[sweetcell]

Having grown up (physically) in the South, I can assure you that as "Y'all" is the singular, they'd much more likely use the plural instead, "All Y'all".

being married to a southerner, i can assure you that some y'all use "y'all" as a plural.

"Y'all just gonna stand 'round, or are we gonna play baseball already?!?"

(bunch of guys getting busted as they walk out of the strip club) "Tssk tssk, y'all need more Jesus in your lives."

 

[day_trippr]

This is so wrong...
Footwear that smells like fried chicken?

If those are anywhere near me I'll definitely puke all over them

 

[GnenieGone]

Not a funny news article but awesome nevertheless. Early season pool time heading our way!

https://weather.com/forecast/nation...ring-2020-march-april-may-temperature-outlook

 

[bleme]

42-year-old Zamboni driver subs in as NHL emergency goalie, wins game

As a former zamboni driver, I approve this message....

 

[sweetcell]

42-year-old Zamboni driver subs in as NHL emergency goalie, wins game

As a former zamboni driver, I approve this message....

aww man, why did you have to go muck up this thread with an actual best headline, instead of something effed up that florida man did?!?

(seriously tho, this is such a great story... this man's life is all downhill after this peak)

 

[balrog]

Florida Woman, this time.
So how does this conversation go? "Honey, how about you step into this suitcase..."

Florida woman allegedly zipped boyfriend in suitcase, leaving him to die

 

[jschein]

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/...ee-arrested-for-sucking-elderly-patients-toes

Now Back to Florida

 

[day_trippr]

In the face of meatless trends, Dunkin' is out there keepin' it real.

 

[catdaddy66]

https://news.google.com/articles/CB...pbmdlLXNlbWVuLmFtcA?hl=en-US&gl=US&ceid=US:en

 

[balrog]

https://news.google.com/articles/CBMiSWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LmZveG5ld3MuY29tL3VzL21hcnlsYW5kLW1hbi1hcnJlc3RlZC1zdGFiLXdvbWFuLXN5cmluZ2Utc2VtZW7SAU1odHRwczovL3d3dy5mb3huZXdzLmNvbS91cy9tYXJ5bGFuZC1tYW4tYXJyZXN0ZWQtc3RhYi13b21hbi1zeXJpbmdlLXNlbWVuLmFtcA?hl=en-US&gl=US&ceid=US:en

That's quite the alliterative coincidence that Stemen stabbed someone with his own semen.

By the seashore?

With a pickled pecker?

 

[sweetcell]

file under "why hasn't anyone done this until now?!??"

A Pizza Company Has Finally Gone The Distance And Put Tiny Chairs To Match The Little Table That Comes With Pizzas

 

[day_trippr]

Finally, some good news!


A malfunction causes red wine to flow from faucets in an Italian town

 

[balrog]

This bumped (not really a strike per se) my funny bone -- an article that wanted to summarize the salient points up front, but the choice of wording was amusing:

 

[Northern_Brewer]

Whilst on the subject of coronavirus : https://metro.co.uk/2020/03/13/please-dont-masturbate-hand-sanitiser-12393761/

 

[balrog]

How to fritter away the hours on nationwide lockdown in Italy, the wrong way:

Couple caught having sex in a car in Milan are arrested for breaching coronavirus lockdown

 

[day_trippr]

Seriously, I don't get the whole rabid "Gotta Buy Tons of TP" reaction that seems to have been a thing...but here's someone cashing in...

Restaurant gives customers a roll of toilet paper with every take-out order
...

 

[balrog]

Is their slogan, "Our food is so good, it goes right through you", or something?

Topsy turvy world in which we live now.

 

[sweetcell]

from the archives:

Kid Rock Subpoenaed To Produce Glass Dildo As Evidence In Insane Clown Posse Lawsuit

 

[HoppyDaze]

from the archives:

Kid Rock Subpoenaed To Produce Glass Dildo As Evidence In Insane Clown Posse Lawsuit

Now that's a headline!

 

[501irishred]

Florida guy is becoming more considerate. A piece of toilet paper?! That’s better than a Cadbury egg!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ne...t-in-flagler-county-mailboxes?template=ampart

 

[day_trippr]

"new normal" indeed....

https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/08/us/toilet-paper-family-fight-arrest-trnd/index.html