Great Movie Quotes

[ohiobrewtus]

All from one of my personal favorites - Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls

Airplane Stewardess: [lisping] Peanuts?
Ace: Yes, I have one right here. It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.

[spying, sitting in a mechanical rhino]
Ace: Pretty hot in these rhinos...

Ace: [the Tiny Warrior shrieks in Wachutu] What did he just say?
Fulton Greenwall: I *think* he said, she's not a virgin.
Ace: [pause] They can *tell* that?

Fulton Greenwall: Ace, the Wachutus are a blood-thirsty, savage tribe. If they catch you, they will show no mercy!
Ace: Worry not, my brother. For I will be as a fly on the wall - a grain of salt in the ocean. I will move amongst them like a transparent... *thing*.

Fulton Greenwall: Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna...
Ace: Bumblebee tuna? Bumblebee tuna! Ace Ventura, Pet Detective! How are you this afternoon? Excuse me... Your balls are showing...
[smiles]
Ace: Bumblebee tuna!

Ace: Of course. How sssselfish of me. Let's do all the things that YOU wanna do.


Ace: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. And you must be the Monopoly guy!
[whispering]
Ace: Thanks for the free parking!

[with Greenwall at top of a huge set of stairs leading to a temple]
Ace: I'll meet you at the bottom. There's still one more thing I must do before I go...
[close-up of slinky going down temple stairs]
Ace: Isn't this incredible? IT'S GONNA BE SOME KIND OF A RECORD! Everyone loves a Slinky, you gotta get a Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, go Slinky go!
[runs down to see Slinky stopped on second last step]
Ace: Awww man! Can you beleive it. It was right there!

Fulton Greenwall: You must be very proud, Ace.
Ace: Pride is an abomination. One must forego the self to obtain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation.

[Ace is going at top speed towards the parking lot]
Fulton Greenwall: Mr. Ventura, shouldn't we slow down?
Ace: Nonsense, Poopy-Pants!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fulton Greenwall: WE can pay you handsomely.
Ace: I am now a child of light. Your earthly money holds no appeal to me.
Fulton Greenwall: Twenty thousand dollars.
Ace: Re-he-he-Really? No. I cannot. For I am sorely needed... here, at the ashram.
Ashram Monk: If I may interject! We're short of space, and it's important for you to use your talents. Let me help you pack.
Ace: But I am yet to attain omnipresent supergalactic oneness.
Ashram Monk: Wait! Here it is! You've just attained it.
Ace: I have?
Ashram Monk: Just now! You are one! I can see it in your eyes. You're more one than anyone!
Ace: What about my medallion of spiritual accomplishment?
Ashram Monk: Take mine!
Ace: Master. This took you eighty years to achieve!
Ashram Monk: That's okay. I don't like it anymore. Really.
Ace: In the light of this great personal sacrifice you've made, I have no choice... but to take the case.
Ashram Monk: Great! I'll go tell the others!
Ace: Master... break it to them gently.
Ace: [cut to Ace and Greenwood exiting the temple through the celebrating, drinking, and some stripped monks] I've never seen then like that before. Denial can be an ugly thing.

 

[FermentEd]

Dazed & Confused...


How bout...

"...those aren't pillows!!!!"

Planes, Trains and Automobiles!

Here's more.....

Del: You play with your balls a lot.
Neal: I do NOT play with my balls.
Del: Larry Bird doesn't do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour!
Neal: Are you trying to start a fight?
Del: No. I'm simply stating a fact. That's all. You fidget with your nuts a lot.
Neal: You know what'd make me happy?
Del: Another couple of balls, and an extra set of fingers?

 

[sudsmonkey]

Damn!....I shot Marvin in the face!- Pulp fiction

 

[Petey]

Pretty much anything from Team America: World Police:

Lisa: Promise me you'll never die.
Gary Johnston: You know I can't promise that.
Lisa: If you did that, I would make love to you right now.
Gary Johnston: I promise I'll never die.

I just don't have it in me to do all of that editing on some of the more "colorful" lines

 

[scottthorn]

Pretty much anything from Team America: World Police:

Lisa: Promise me you'll never die.
Gary Johnston: You know I can't promise that.
Lisa: If you did that, I would make love to you right now.
Gary Johnston: I promise I'll never die.

I just don't have it in me to do all of that editing on some of the more "colorful" lines

Love that movie! Any film with a marionette sex scene is a winner in my book My fave quote has got to be this:

We're d!cks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid d!cks.
And the Film Actors Guild are pu55ies. And Kim Jong Il is an a$$hole.
Pu55ies don't like d!cks, because pu55ies get f#cked by d!cks. But d!cks also f#ck a$$holes: a$$holes that just want to **** on everything. Pu55ies may think they can deal with a$$holes their way. But the only thing that can f#ck an a$$hole is a d!ck, with some balls. The problem with d!cks is: they f#ck too much or f#ck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pu55y to show them that. But sometimes, pu55ies can be so full of **** that they become a$$holes themselves... because pu55ies are an inch and half away from a$$ holes.
I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us f#ck this a$$hole, we're going to have our d!cks and pu55ies all covered in ****!

 

[menschmaschine]

I can't believe no one said anything from Dumb and Dumber! Comedy Classic! Here are a couple random favorites:

Lloyd Christmas: "Hey guys! Whoa, Big Gulps, huh? Alright. Well, see ya later!" (I want that on my tombstone.)

Harry Dunne: "You can't triple-stamp a double-stamp!"

Lloyd Christmas: "We got no food! We got no jobs! Our pets HEADS ARE FALLIN' OFF!"

 

[DeathBrewer]

Doc Holliday in Tombstone

"Why Kate, you're not wearing a bustle. How lewd."
"Maybe poker's just not your game, Ike. I know...let's have a spelling contest!"
"You're a daisy if you do!"
"It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds"

Ringo was awesome, too

- I want your blood. And I want your souls. And I want them both right now! Don't any of ya have the guts to play for blood? -
"I'm your huckleberry...that's just my game."

Best of all, a tiff with the music lover:

- Stephen Foster. Oh, Susannah, Camptown Races. Stephen stinking Foster -
"Ah, yes. Well, this happens to be a nocturne."
- A which? -
"You know, Frederic ****ing Chopin."

"And you, music lover...you're next"
- The drunk piano player. You're so drunk you can't hit nothing. In fact...you're probably seeing double. -
"I have two guns, one for each of ya!"

 

[Vermicous]

Clueless

Cher: Isn't my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972.

Christian: Do you like Billie Holiday?
Cher: I love him.

Dionne: Phat! Did you write that?
Cher: Duh. It's like a famous quote.
Dionne: From where?
Cher: Cliff's Notes.

Cher: So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.

Mel: Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.

Cher: If it's a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions.
Elton: What's seven times seven?
Cher: Stuff she knows.

Mel: Which reminds me, where's your report card?
Cher: It's not ready yet.
Mel: What do you mean, "it's not ready yet?"
Cher: Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know how you say, "Never accept a first offer", so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.

 

[Vermicous]

Brain Donors

Rocco Melonchek: You're lying.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Of course I am, but hear me out!

Rocco: Charity work. I gather these for those less fortunate than myself who can't afford pornography.

Roland T. Flakfizer: And she looks like she's about fifteen.
Lazlo: No, no, no.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Okay, fourteen then. In fact I know she's fourteen, because I was dating her a year ago.

Rocco: [as a dog rips his trouser leg] What a charming little animal.
Lillian Oglethorpe: Do you know dogs, Mister Melonchek?
Rocco: Know dogs? I used to be a chef in a Korean restaurant!

 

[Ize]

Newman in Slap Shot...


[after meeting the Hansons]
Reggie Dunlop: Oh you cheap son of a b!tch. Are you crazy? Those guys are retards!
McGrath: I got a good deal on those boys. The scouts said they showed a lot of promise.
Reggie Dunlop: They brought their fookin' TOYS with 'em!
McGrath: Well, I'd rather have em playin with their toys than playin with themselves
Reggie Dunlop: They're too dumb to play with themselves. Boy, every piece of garbage that comes into the market and you gotta buy it!
McGrath: Reg, Reg, that reminds me. I was coachin' in Omaha in 1948 and Eddie Shore sends me this guy who was a terrible masturbator, you know, couldn't control himself. Why, he would get deliberate penalties so he could get over in the penalty box all by himself and damned if he wouldn't... you know...


Ize

 

[Brakeman_Brewing]

Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.

 

[Mutilated1]

"What we've got here is a failure to communicate"

RIP Paul

 

[BigKahuna]

Doc Holliday in Tombstone

I'll be your huckleberry!

Also....My god You guys are SLOW Today....from Deliverence....

Hey Boy I'm go'n make you sequel like a pig!

Full Metal Jacket.

If I'm gonna die for a word....I want my word to be POONTANG

 

[ChshreCat]

Hello!
My name is Inigo Montoya!
You killed my father
prepare to die!

Inigo Montoya: Offer me money
Count Rugen: Yes
Inigo Montoya: Power too promise that!
[he slices Rugen's other cheek]
Count Rugen: All that I have and more. Please.
Inigo Montoya: Offer me everything I ask for.
Inigo Montoya: Anything you want.
Count Rugen: [Rugen attacks but Inigo grabs his arm and stabs Rugen in the stomach]
Inigo Montoya: I want my father back you son of a *****.

One of my all-time favorite movies

 

[Brewmando]

" I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same from them"
John Wayne from "The Shootest", His last movie

 

[srm775]

Also....My god You guys are SLOW Today....from Deliverence....

Full Metal Jacket.

Speaking to the helicopter gunner ...


Joker: Any women or children?
Gunner: Some
Joker: How can you shoot women and children
Gunner: Easy (begins to smile) ... you just don't lead them so much. Ain't war hell!?!

 

[STAD]

Dumb and Dumber

Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?
Mary: Well, that's pretty difficult to say.
Lloyd: Hit me with it! I've come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million.
[pause]
Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance.

 

[Short Drive]

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.
While shooting elephants in Africa, we found the tusks very difficult to remove. Of course, in Alabama the Tusk-a-loosa. But that's entirely ir-elephant to what I was saying.
Africa is God's country--and He can have it.
We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. But we're going back again in a couple of weeks! (Groucho Marx Animal Crackers)


Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself.
You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing.
You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff.
If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.
You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here?
You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

Groucho Marx in Duck Soup

 

[eschatz]

Heineken?! Heineken?!!!!! F*** that ****! PABST BLUE RIBBON!!!!!

 

[eschatz]

"This stuff will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus Rex! " - Jesse Ventura talking to Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator about chewing tobacco.

Best movie with two future governors ever!

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

"I wash my hands BEFORE I touch my di%k!" - Pulp Fiction

"I gave her my heart and she gave me a PEN" - Say Anything

"Love and Kisses on all your pink parts" - Bed of Roses

"F%ck me! He cleared it" - Robin Hood

 

[eschatz]

Sometimes nothing is a pretty Cool Hand- Cool Hand Luke