Crap kids say

Yakima 728
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My sister was about 5 when she told one of the ladies at church that she liked sitting next to her, because she was fat too. After church my mom explain to her how stuff like that can hurt people's feelings, even when you don't mean it in a bad way. The next week my sister went up to the lady and told her "I'm sorry for saying you were fat, you just look that way".
 
One of my best friends was at Church and the preacher invited a few kids up on stage and started asking them different questions. He asked his son( young) what does your father like to do on Sunday afternoon? Watch football and drink beer!
 
mikeasu said:
He was requesting Van Halen in the car at that age, so I must've done SOME things right...
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Last year when she was three my daughter heard some Ozzy as we going somewhere. For weeks after that it was "put on tears" (no more tears) everytime we got in the car, many times crying when I wasn't able to do it.

Once, I was able to find 'war pigs' playing on a station but she was having none of that....
 
When my daughter was still in diapers and we were trying to start potty training, she went behind the chair which is wear she would go to poop in her diaper.

I said "Emma, if you need to poop you need to go sit on the potty".

She said, "Ok Daddy, right after I'm done pooping!"
 
Toy4Rick said:
My mom grew up very poor, the family was invited to a friends house for dinner, her brother was digging in, both elbows on the table... Her dad says, Bobby you don't have to eat so fast, Bobby then said, but daddy, you told us to eat all we can while it's free

True story
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just when you thought they weren't listening.
 
We were at a very nice restaraunt in Florida with 25 or so family members from all over the country. My brother doesn't drink beer and always said beer is for pu$$!e$.... My youngest, 4 at the time, obviously overheard this and without missing a beat when I asked what kind of beer they had repeated what he heard. Of course it was loud enough for everyone in the place to hear and with the amount of laughter you would have thought we were in a comedy club.
Breaks the heart a little even though he had no idea what he was saying. He is 23 now and can't get enough of my beer.
 
My wife and I were out for drinks with another couple. We were all drinking a Scorpion out of a large clam shell using 4 straws. The clam shell was lined with fruit on skewers. The band was very loud... about half way in, my wife and I started fighting over the fruit, I grabbed the last maraschino cherry, my wife yells... (band goes silent at the wrong time) YOU ATE MY CHERRY...

You could have heard a pin drop
 
My boys were about 3 and 5. I would come home from work and holler "It's time to beat the children" and we would tickle, rough and tumble for a few minutes. On Sundays it was announced that "it`s Sunday and it`s beat the children for no reason day."

One Sunday after church we were in a Target and the 5 year old looks at the 3 year old and tells him "It`s Sunday" They both immediately take off running through the store and hollering "don`t beat us daddy!" at the top of their lungs.

Fortunately it was 30 years ago and the police were not called, nor were cell phones available to record the chaos. The event to this day makes us all chuckle a bit when brought up.
 
CKuhns said:
My boys were about 3 and 5. I would come home from work and holler "It's time to beat the children" and we would tickle, rough and tumble for a few minutes. On Sundays it was announced that "it`s Sunday and it`s beat the children for no reason day."

One Sunday after church we were in a Target and the 5 year old looks at the 3 year old and tells him "It`s Sunday" They both immediately take off running through the store and hollering "don`t beat us daddy!" at the top of their lungs.

Fortunately it was 30 years ago and the police were not called, nor were cell phones available to record the chaos. The event to this day makes us all chuckle a bit when brought up.
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Reminds me of the time!

So it is before school. I went to the post office with my kids to collect payments that should be there fro the cleaning business i owned. There are several so on the way to drop my oldest at school (6 at the time) I decide to take them to the bank on the way. I decide to go in because it will be easier and because there was also a mistake on my statement that came..... ha, ha, ha on me! We get out of the car and go to the doors. I open the doors for them to go in. As soon as I get the door open they start running like demon spawn toward the counters because they remember the suckers they always get from the ladies behind the counters. My first reaction to my boys running off at light speed in a lobby that is roughly 60 feet by 120 feet and filled with people? Now mind you, I have a very deep voice that makes James Earl Jones sound like a soprano.




I yell freeze.... Nothing else just freeze. My kids of course stop on a dime, the place goes silent but it doesn't occur to me what I just did for several seconds even with 50 to 100 people turning to look at who has come to f.up their day and still doesn't until I see papers landing on the floor that have fallen from the second floor balcony to the floor of the lobby. Of course the lady I need to see about the error on my statement is amongst a group of them on balcony one of which dropped the papers. So now my face is as red as a baboons a$$ and my head feels like it could start a campfire on wet wood from the heat coming off of it. I calmly snap my fingers and point to the ground next to me. The boys get next to me and I calmly walk to the papers that have fallen from the balcony, pick them up and walk to the nearest stairs to talk to someone. I quietly apologize to the lady I need to see and ask if she has a minute. Needless to say, the boys did not get their suckers and I quit going to that branch with my kids. But let me tell you when I went to go get a loan for my next business venture we had a good laugh at the bank.
 
My daughter (6ish at the time) went through a phase where she thought it would be fun to say, “Love you, _____” and insert a random food instead of a name.

So normally it would be like “Love you, cupcake”, “Love you, banana” or “Love you, ice cream.”

We were leaving my folks house one night and she said to my dad, “Love you, cracker.”
 
My wife volunteers in the kids ministry at our church and works with the special needs children. There is a boy with autism, he’s around 6 I think, and he is afraid of the dark.

The other kids were turning the lights on and off and he yelled, “turn on those f&$king lights!”

She said it was one of those moments when you want to both laugh and be horrified at the same time!
 
Murphys_Law said:
My wife volunteers in the kids ministry at our church and works with the special needs children. There is a boy with autism, he’s around 6 I think, and he is afraid of the dark.

The other kids were turning the lights on and off and he yelled, “turn on those f&$king lights!”

She said it was one of those moments when you want to both laugh and be horrified at the same time!
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That autistic kid can't help that he can't modulate behavior for appropriateness. The other kids -- and their parents -- have no such excuse. Hope everyone finds a better way forward from this experience.
 
Getting a group of daycare kids changed to go in the pool at the YMCA. You need to shower before going into the pool, and when I mentioned it about half of the kids run into the same shower stall. I tell them all to get out, because only one person is allowed in the shower at a time. A 6 year old boy looks right at me and says "But Mommy and Daddy shower together all the time!"
 
Novacor said:
Getting a group of daycare kids changed to go in the pool at the YMCA. You need to shower before going into the pool, and when I mentioned it about half of the kids run into the same shower stall. I tell them all to get out, because only one person is allowed in the shower at a time. A 6 year old boy looks right at me and says "But Mommy and Daddy shower together all the time!"
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That's a good laugher!
 
My sister and her husband were in the middle of buying a house and were having one issue after another, dragging the process out over several months. Hauling there 4 year old daughter and there 6 year old son in the back seat, I overheard the following conversation.

Girl: Are we going to the red house or the f$&@ing house?

Boy: we're not supposed to say f$&@ing house.

Girl: why aren’t we supposed to say f$&@ing house?

Boy: I don’t know. Dad always get mad when I ask him about the f$&@ing house.

Girl: that’s what he calls it! (Busted!)

Boy: (shrugs) yep.

I’m glad to say we got to the f$&@ing house in one piece. Eyes still watering, but I’m fairly sure they never knew I had been laughing hysterically to myself for the last 30 minutes!
 
My soon to be 5 yr old will go off on these "I will never, ever, ever, never ...." rants when we correct her on something minor. Nothing funny there and it actually drives my wife and I nuts--but she will grow out of it sooner or later.

Then we are walking down the street last night and pass a mother talking with her college age daughter (maybe 21-22). As we walk past we over hear the daughter saying "I will never, ever, ever, never..."

We got a few steps past before we started laughing at the exchange, and then a few steps later we stopped when it occurred that our little one might not ever out grow that. (Or should I say never, ever, ever, never grow out of it)
 
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I took my son to a high school wrestling tournament once when he was 2-2.5 years old and let him roam around with me at his heels to make sure he was safe. That day he kept glancing back at me to see if I was there and was a bit annoyed with my Dad-stealth.

Later he wanted to go to the other side of the gym and before I got up to follow him he said "You stay here. I'll be back."

LMFAO!
 
My youngest (six years old) the other day with family over for a cookout said the following just before we sat down to eat.

"Dad, your tummy looks full" and pats it. I'm not a large guy (6' 205lbs) but I could shed a few pounds. Kids say the funniest things! HAHA
 
When my son was just learning to talk the city knocked down the house across the street during breakfast so we planted him in front of the window. For about three months he would say “Tractor house down!” to everyone he saw! About the same time my wife picked him up from daycare, pulled up to a red light behind another car. The second it changed green he screamed “GO PERSON!”

Last year one of our neighbors had her new house knocked down. She basically bought the property to rebuild a handicap house.... it needed to be knocked down! We got home just in time to watch. I’m not afraid to tease my kid!

At 3 or 4, watching the music video of Fun“Some Nights” he inquisitively repeated the line “Jack my style?!!!!?”.
 
Brew_Dude41 said:
My soon to be 5 yr old will go off on these "I will never, ever, ever, never ...." rants when we correct her on something minor. Nothing funny there and it actually drives my wife and I nuts--but she will grow out of it sooner or later.

Then we are walking down the street last night and pass a mother talking with her college age daughter (maybe 21-22). As we walk past we over hear the daughter saying "I will never, ever, ever, never..."

We got a few steps past before we started laughing at the exchange, and then a few steps later we stopped when it occurred that our little one might not ever out grow that. (Or should I say never, ever, ever, never grow out of it)
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We STILL have a note on our refrigerator our daughter wrote when she was 8. She's now 29.
The note is 21 years old and curling and yellowing. In her childish scrawl, she wrote:
"I will never..never..ever have a boyfrend. Boys are grose." She signed her full name, like a contract.
She's in a serious relationship with a guy I really like. Busted!
 
SEndorf said:
We STILL have a note on our refrigerator our daughter wrote when she was 8. She's now 29.
The note is 21 years old and curling and yellowing. In her childish scrawl, she wrote:
"I will never..never..ever have a boyfrend. Boys are grose." She signed her full name, like a contract.
She's in a serious relationship with a guy I really like. Busted!
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and here i'm still single and saying the same about women! lol
 
Here is a good one:
Out to eat and my 6 yo goes to the bathroom. After a good long while, he comes out and with our waitresses giving us the bill he says in a loudish voice that he went and then had to “re-go to the bathroom”. Then he said, “and I had a no-wiper too”. Waitress was amused.
 
Hophunter said:
Here is a good one:
Out to eat and my 6 yo goes to the bathroom. After a good long while, he comes out and with our waitresses giving us the bill he says in a loudish voice that he went and then had to “re-go to the bathroom”. Then he said, “and I had a no-wiper too”. Waitress was amused.
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Hahaha, remindes me ...."It was a clean pinch-off, I didn't need any T-P".
 
My son says dad i know what sax is (sounds close enough like sex). I ignore. Dad, dad, I know what sax is! (S..t hes not leaving this alone). Ok, ok, what is it?

Sax is when you go, like, to a nice restaurant and you kiss everyone's butt trying to make yourself look important. That's sax.
 
I was about 10 years old when my family moved to a small town in northern Minnesota.
Parents found a local church, and invited the pastor over for dinner. Parents are doing introductions, when the pastor leans over to my sister, and says "what's your name, little girl?" She pulls her thumb out of her mouth, and calmly replies "Dotty dammit".

That was more than 50 years ago, but I still get a chuckle whenever I think about it!
 
My 5 year old daughter drew a picture at school today and proudly presented it to my wife.
"It's you and me!" She exclaimed.
My wife admired it for a few seconds, pointed at one and asked if it was her.
"Yes!" She stated proudly that Mommy got it right. "I have long hair and yours is shorter and darker."
As my wife stood there beaming at me that it wasn't me that she drew, our daughter continued...
"And I am the skinny one, and that one is thicker, see..."
And then it was time to head upstairs to bed.
 
During a recent trip to the grocery store with my 6yo daughter (Ana) and 4yo son (James), I made a new rule that I will find easy to follow. NEVER GET CASHEWS WITH KIDS IN THE CART AGAIN!!

- in voices loud enough to be heard three isles away-

James- (picks up can out the cart)

Ana: “give me those nuts James!” (grabs can)

James: “let go of my nuts Ana!!”

Ana: “Come on James, I just wanna hold them!”

James: “No! They are MY nuts, and only I can hold them!”

—————

sometimes I’m grateful to be wearing a mask around all the time......
 

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